In for the long haul

After a year and a half, the adrenaline has worn off. I`m faced with a long, slow, uncertain path that I continue to go down for various reasons. Out of habit. For maintaining friendships. Because I want to help. Because I want to eat ice cream at Toono. Because I still remember what Kamaishi looked like. Because I want to meet the people who live there. 

The more time passes, the more things change. Before we just had to get in the car to shovel the mud and rubble away, whenever we could find the time to go. We had a small nonprofit that had secured funding for rental cars and had staff to lead us at volunteer sites. We had overworked but trustworthy leaders. I assumed those leaders would tell us a month from now, or a year from now, what we needed to do. 

I thought the regulars and the leaders were all united for a common purpose. I thought we would volunteer no matter what the work was, if it helped the coast. I thought I would never miss a weekend.

HANDS was made and and has always been run by people who already have full-time jobs. It was made, I think, because of Kitakami`s location. Kitakami is on the shinkansen line and within driving distance of cities like Rikuzentakata and Kamaishi. The people who started HANDS saw a need for organizations getting a steady flow of volunteers to and from the coastal areas.

The only full-time paid staff member we had stopped working for HANDS last March and moved on to a recovery-related position in Iwate University. One leader from HANDS has basically become part of Kamaishi volunteer center and does not keep in touch with many of the regular volunteers. The other leader continues to help register us with the volunteer centers. Instead of a funded rental car driven by staff members, the volunteers use personal cars and everyone chips in for gas money. 

Kamaishi volunteer center has steady work on the weekends, but it`s sometimes not as physical as we`re used to. When HANDS started, all the work was back-breakingly hard and exhausting, and I think we all learned to enjoy that kind of work as an outlet for physical strength and aggression. We certainly have a running gag about everybody in HANDS being a masochist. 

For almost 6 months, we`ve been running on the steam of a handful of drivers who can still take their weekends off despite working full time and having families. We started off going every weekend per month, but have now transitioned to maybe two to three weekends per month. There`s been talk of limiting trips to when volunteering is the kind of work we want to do (read: physical), and considering the workload these drivers have been put under, I don`t have room to disagree. 

We run off the masochism of middle-aged men and the tolerance of their wives and families. We run off ice cream and sadness and beer parties and friendship. We are no longer a nonprofit, we`re just a volunteer group. 

I miss weekends sometimes. This weekend, I`m going to an amusement park and to an onsen, and I`m going to finish the book I`ve been reading. I have a boyfriend and a full time job and my best friend is going to leave Japan for good come Christmastime. I want to spend time with the people I love, and relax and do my laundry. Then next weekend, I want to volunteer. If you want, you can come too. If there are no drivers, you can easily take the train. 

There are still almost 330,000 people in temporary housing. People ask me if there are still a lot of people in temporary housing, or if everything is OK by now. Many people in inland Japan ignore the situation on the coast, foreigners and Japanese alike. People in the US this Christmas probably won`t mention the tsunami at all. 

I am uninterested in your guilt and know hinging my self worth on your enthusiasm to help is a stupid idea. I only wish you wouldn`t ask me if everything is OK now, like you`re idly asking if I finally got that wart removed. Use your imagination, or use Google. 

Last week, I volunteered for the 77th time. I`m a bad blog writer and I never update, and this next weekend I`m going to a slacker, but please don`t confuse that with giving up. I`m going to muddle around volunteering when I can and keep working toward a way to help full-time. I still go between 2 and 4 times a month, and I still help register people who want to volunteer with us. 

But tomorrow: I ride roller coasters.